On Father’s Day

As most of you already know, my dad passed on May 9th, Mother’s Day, this year.  So this is my first Father’s Day without my dad, and I have spent some reflecting on dads. 

As I was preparing for my dad’s funeral service (I was the officiant), I was remembering back through his life, mainly concentrating on the kind of husband, father and man my father was.  And I realized in thinking back, the kind of mom my mom was too and the home and family I was brought up in.  I remembered that when the TV show “All in the Family” was on that I was shocked how much it was like my own family.  My dad was an Archie Bunker and my mom was most definitely Edith.  Throughout my adult years, I tried to “train” my dad not to treat my mom like a servant.  “If you want a cup of coffee, go get it yourself” I’d tell him and I’d tell my mom to “sit down.”  The women’s movement had made me strong in empowering women and speaking up for myself.  And while I thought I was bringing power and equality to my mom, and teaching my dad not to act like a male chauvinist, in looking back, I realized that something else was going on here that I had truly missed and what is missing in today’s society.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I think the women’s movement was a good thing.  But I think we threw the baby out with the bath water.  What am I talking about?  I’m talking about service.  We have forgotten the sacredness and the importance of service.  In our rush to equality we have forgotten that to truly be of service to one another does not put you “beneath” them.  To give to one another because you want to, is a holy, sacred, heart-felt act.  My mother was raised with the knowledge that women serve men.  And she did wholeheartedly.  I’m sure there were times she did this begrudgingly with my dad, but I’m sure beneath it all she did it because she loved him.

While my dad didn’t “serve” my mom in the same way, he did “serve” the community.  My dad was the guy in the neighborhood everyone would call if something went wrong and they needed help.  He could fix anything, and when a neighbor called he was out the door to help.  He did this without any expectation of being paid (I don’t think he ever was paid), because that is what you do when a neighbor needs help.  You “serve” them with your knowledge, expertise and skills. 

We seem to have lost the sense of community and service in our world today.  We have gone from “how can I help” to “what’s in it for me if I help?”  We have forgotten the true, sacred meaning of service.  To give selflessly.  And along with service goes compassion.  Compassionate service is what is needed today in our world, which is in chaos and turmoil.    People readily “give” to disaster causes, it seems to be the only time we come together to help.  But I’m asking you today, in honor of my dad, and all the dads who help and fix and share their talents, that you reach out to those in your own community or family who need help.  Don’t wait for a disaster.  And you don’t need to join an organization.  All you need to do is open the door for a person at the grocery store, make someone their favorite food, spend personal time with someone giving them your full attention, ask a grieving friend or sick neighbor how you can help them, just reach out!  Just open your heart and reach out! 

I love you Dad! 

Jeanne